Colorado Avalanche Unveils Yeti as New Mascot

In a move that has left hockey fans scratching their heads and reaching for their winter coats, the Colorado Avalanche has announced the newest addition to their team: the Abominable Snowman.

After months of legal wrangling over his citizenship status, the elusive creature, commonly known as Yeti, has finally been granted American citizenship and signed a lucrative mascot contract with the Avalanche.

Team spokesperson, Sarah Iceberg, expressed her excitement about the acquisition, saying, "We believe Yeti brings a unique blend of mystique and intimidation to our team. Plus, he's got killer dance moves."

Yeti's journey to becoming a mascot wasn't without its challenges. His legal battle for citizenship was drawn out, with opponents arguing that he wasn't a real person. However, after presenting compelling evidence, including a 23andMe DNA test and a notarized affidavit from Santa Claus, the courts ruled in his favor.

As part of his contract, Yeti will be responsible for entertaining fans during games, making public appearances, and terrifying opposing teams. In return, he's rumored to be earning a salary that rivals some of the team's star players.

"We're confident that Yeti will be a huge hit with fans," Iceberg added. "And if anyone doubts his abilities, just wait until you see him on the ice. He's got the agility of a mountain goat and the grace of a snow leopard."

Yeti himself couldn't be reached for comment, as he was busy practicing his slapshot and perfecting his roar. But sources close to him say he's thrilled about his new role and can't wait to show the world what he's made of.

So, if you find yourself at a Colorado Avalanche game next season and spot a towering, furry creature roaming the arena, don't be alarmed. It's just Yeti, the newest member of the team and America's favorite abominable mascot.